i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
