My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
