It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
