Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
