it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's Friday. Sex?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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