Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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