WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
