We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
