if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
