she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
