words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
