she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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