he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
