come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
