You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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