that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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