More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
