if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
