Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
