I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
