No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
