Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
