so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
