There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
