It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
