I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
