Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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