He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
