if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
