my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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