She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
