I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
