I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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