Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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