why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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