Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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