Jerry, you need to find god
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
last night I used snow as a chaser
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