ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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