Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
