Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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