Are we in a gay sports bar?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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