Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
