I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
