...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're my little dorito
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
