Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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