lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
