ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
