My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
