I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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