someone owes me an orgasm
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
