awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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