In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
