if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
