we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
