I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
