did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
